The Penitent

Ok, so it’s been another 4 months since I’ve written anything. Aren’t I reliable..

What has changed…

Not much. I still feel huge, fat, ugly, unattractive. Though people tell me this isn’t the case, I’m honestly not concerned with how other people view me, but how I view myself. Until I’m pleased with how I look I will never be happy.

Arms are fat. Ass is just immese. The thighs have got to go.

I feel stupid because I’m not alone in this battle of the flesh.. I like to be unique and different, but when it all boils down, I’m just like 98% of the rest of the female population. How sad is that?

Even sadder is that I feel that I’m letting people down, the people who are constantly telling me that I don’t look fat, or even close… I feel that maybe I’m just casting bait out there so I can hear those words, “no, are you crazy? You’re skinny!” etc etc…

I’m not skinny. I know this.

But I’m not fat.

I’m right in between, which I guess is healthy, but I don’t feel good about myself.

I did a short bout with jogging for a while. That was nice. During that time, I didn’t count calories, I didn’t obsess so much about food, but then I got lazy and stopped jogging.

Then I found these pills called Pyruvate-C… it’s chromium picolinate with pyruvate and it’s supposed to increase your metabolism. Since taking them I get hot-flashes all the time, but I don’t have any energy. Hey, they keep me warm, I guess. I hate feeling cold.

Supposedly chromium picolinate can cause chromisome damage, but hey, since I’m not seeing the immediate effects of that I don’t give a shit.

It’s only until I do see the adverse effects that I’ll become scared and pray to god that I’m so so so sorry and I’ll never do it again..

Until I feel better, then I’ll take them again.

I don’t feel like writing anymore right now.