words are written and read and denied for you gave me a second of unbridled pride which has turned into guilt about not being the one that you can come running to when things come undone
i yearn for your passion your fire and desire and i need you to hold me when i’m feeling so tired of this world of this life of some days turning gray and i look up to you like in no other way
you can imagine that i can be idealized but
i’m aware that you’re glancing through rose coloured eyes and i’m scared that you will just realize that i am not so perfect and i think you’ve accepted that i’m not a person who deals with rejection but in my relfection i see a new being who’s trying to correct the things that you’ve seen
there are days where i feel like i’m up against all and all things will change if i make the call and you give me a chance to prove your fears wrong if i accept the chance to always belong in a place that is safe where no harm can be done and a day where the arms of a saviour so strong can hold and protect me and i can stop running from whatever is chasing my insecure mind that drives me to madness and leaving me blind
i just want you to know that i see you as pure and that whatever life throws out there i can always endure as i believe in you wholly and see you through eyes that are unmuddled by prospects but are fully alive and i think you are beautiful just come as you are because god only knows thing that god only knows and if god does exist then it’s to you that i owe that my life’s surely changed with your breath and your being and i’ve gone through more positive that has been so freeing of doubt and of fear and of sorrow and i depend on tomorrow
do you know do you know do you know?
written under the influence of being awake.
so this simple life has just turned upside down and the days i knew to come so fast have turned right back around. to the one that thinks they know me knows nothing what they had in mind, and the one that pushed me to this edge has left me far behind (thank you, amen) i want this moment etched in time, all the prior days can die, i never felt so hopeless and amazed at the same time.
i want my head held under water or in your arms all the same
i seek the comfort and the warmth just as long as i am safe.
when no race is to be won, i still hurry as there’s no tomorrow yet if i could pause this moment i would borrow just another slice of time in this span of minutes lasting seconds lasting hours in a frame of mind, rewind
……..
my dreams lately are not so much disturbing as much as confusing. waking up not totally sure what’s going on around me. and not sure why they’re happening. lots of running around hotels lost and searching. these are typical. finally i looked it up and it’s weird.
ok:?
Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. Or you feel the need to temporarily escape from your daily life.
that doesn’t really tell me much. but mostly i’m in a HUGE hotel. i’m wandering the hallways and floors via stairwells. it’s dingy and dark most of the time. the place is always empty, like i’m the only one in the building. it’s a bit unnerving.
i’m tired.
My take on “life is like…”
Life is like a box of chocolates. You grab the biggest box of chocolates you can find, in dire hope of getting the chocolate you want on the first try, but you have to go through a bunch of shit before hitting the goldmine.
Which is, of course, some fancy type of truffle (or whatever your fancy). But then you’re not satisfied with just one truffle, so you go through the process again several times until you’re absolutely sick of chocolate in general, and you give up trying to find the one chocolate you like.
You Are.
you are the fire that lights the sun
you are the shine that is the stars
you are the eyes that see my soul
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
so far from me
you are the one you’re everything
you’ve no idea what joy you bring
my hearts on fire, my souls alive
i’m blessed to have you in my life
you are the one
you’re everything
you’ve no idea what joy you bring
my heart’s on fire
my soul’s alive
i’m blessed to have you in this life
you are the one
you are the one
you are the one
so far from me so far from me
you are the the one
so far from me
i cannot see
you are the one
you’re everything you’re everything
i cannot see
you are the one
so far from me
where are you?
you are the one
you’re everything
you are the one
..
you are the one
..
you are the one
..
you are the one
…
you are the one
you are the one
Final Point
This is it, the final point
you will have no control
ive let it out i’ve run away
the last thread has come undone
and you will never tear me down
you’ve beaten down on me
tried to take away who i am
not bothering to listen
not trying to understand
Get Out Now
leave me to myself
Fuck your ideas
go fuck yourself
You have never loved me
you have only lied
why did i bother?
Why even try
goodbye
I hate what you’ve done
you’ve fucked with my mind
one minute you love me
then you’re so damn unkind
If this is what i get
And if this is what you do
then i don’t want to know
So leave me the hell alone
Get Out Now
leave me to myself
Fuck your ideas
go fuck yourself
You have never loved me
you have only lied
why did i bother?
Why even try
goodbye
No more patience for never again
I refuse to wait for incoming deception
No more fucking with me
no more pissing around
No more lying to me
no more beating me down
no more back-handed words
no more blaming and shame
no more guilt without cause
no more of your games
Devils?
There’s a devil on my back
And there are devil’s on my mind
Where have all the angels gone?
They have all left me behind
And everyday is such a fight
Amongst good and bad and me
I want to emerge strong, to win
But they’re always hurting me.
I am so sore
From this long war
I want to drown and end it all;
My body’s used
Been so abused
I need to heal and start anew
My soul is numb from all the pain
That’s been inflicted over time
I am aching for the sweet release
To escape this hell of mine
I can swallow no more tears or pride
Or hide behind this mask of lies
This perfection which I portray
I’ve become to despise.
Will someone come and save me now
Will someone please release my heart?
These chains which bind me from a life
That’s pure and sweet and true?
I’ve been down for so very long
I have no strength to go on
I’m waiting to be swept away
Up to a better place
My dreams have faded
My hopes are gone
My mind is sick
My body’s frail
My heart is weak
My flesh is cold
I am such a waste of life
My Side Was Always Right
beneath a starless night
i found you humbled by my side
so weakened by remorse
i shattered every bit of pride you had
you had
you had
you had it all then you bid goodbye
goodbye
goodbye to joyful times
and
through the night
you huddled tearful by my side
my side
my side was always right.
beneath the strain of life
you found yourself amongst the rogues
they pushed you down
much faster than you meant to drown
and drown
and drown
and drown your sorrows, drink your pain
your pain
your suffering, your grief and agony
shall set you free
shall set you free
shall set you free
shall set you free
Your Letters
don’t you recall the letters that were written
they so quickly fade from memory
don’t you see?
tender words behind all stories
there’s no mercy to face
no sweetest embrace
you were the final lesson in pure aggression
and taught me that love is only a laugh
for a heart to not exist
just a poisonous kiss
it will bring me down on my knees
it will bring me down to my knees
you say it’s the fate of humanity
that love can’t exist between you and me
you’re so full of it all
it’s another excuse to witness my fall
i can always be used
you’ll still be my muse
while you only confuse
to love is to lose
it’s so sad to see you distressed and dismayed
but i love you more and more each day
your confounded thoughts and your envyblue eyes
don’t say you loved me, i don’t fall for lies
Please Tell Me Why -
please tell me why these thoughts of death
feelings of an ending life
torture
pain
anguish
hurt
i know i cause so much discomfort
why does it feel so right?
to think just of the pain
the mechanics, oh the method
hows, whys, where to die
why it’s so beyond me
why it’s so so far from me
my confidence
ability.
i say i’d be better off dead
i can’t when i care for you
all i am is unfair to you
all i want is to leave you there
to live your life away from me
my frailty to care
to know the final act of suffering
i could give the one who truly cares
a pain i’ve never felt before
a pain i’ve never felt before
you can overcome
forget what was done
it would be the best for you
and truly
the best for me
i say i’d be better off dead
i can’t when i care for you
all i am is unfair to you
all i want is to leave you there
to live your life away from me
Cliched?
who seeks the truths that others miss?
their cliched lives of routine bliss
who seeks to find some valid joy
when it never fails to disappoint?
who seeks out others who proclaim
it’s not just me who felt all the blame?
who seeks the knowledge of heart and soul
with no guidance of where to go?
while those have laughed at those who’ve cried
they only avoid the shame they’ve denied
and those that do scorn the sad and the scared
are hiding the heart that they dare not to bare
but those who are numb
are the ones who’ve succumbed
who needs to find solace and calm from within?
who needs to discover the place to begin?
who confides and who tries
just to get shoved aside
who comes up for air
just to be denied?
but still manages to care
for the ones who weren’t there
